From time to time (hype company) will release updates to (killer software), and when it comes to (something we don't care about) (hype company) is a game changer. But CEO (ceo's name) is about to break out of the (snazzy adjective) space with a breakthrough, the (shitty product name). (Ceo's name) hints that (shitty product) will redefine the way we (inane activity).
(Company name)'s lead developer (a name we've never heard of) was kind enough to take us through a walk through of the (shitty product), and it was like a (lame analogy to sex). Developers can download the (product slave kit) to explore (overhyped product) and begin making the (shitty product) (adjective for not suck). The (exaggeration) part of (shitty product) is that it (shameless adjective) (desparate developers). (shitty product) does this by providing (desperate developers) with a (captive audience) who are (mindless adjective) to (desparately finance) buying from (shitty product).
As a (starving author who sold their soul for soup money), I'm (false exaggeration) looking forward to how (hype company)'s (shitty product) does (inane activity). If you're still (faking enthusiasm like a lap dancer), prepare for the (nonsense adjective) news of all. The (shitty product) can be preordered through (insert any web site author owns).
So how long have tech blogs been like this? I'm exaggerating but still, why does anyone read these type of posts and come back for more, when we can get this fluff from the (hype company) web site.