Things I've never heard, but wish I did
- She left you for a guy with cleaner code
- Remember all those those Emergency Broadcasting tones with stripes on TV? They weren't tests
- They changed their name from the Care Bears to the Hells Angels to stop other bikers from attacking them
- A tinfoil covered kook carrying a scarecrow, a Furry, and a deranged Kansas woman dressed like a little girl laughed at him. The Wizard of Oz needs to work on his pitch if he wants to get funded.
- That abstraction saved the company, here's a private island for your trouble
- Don't worry about that convoluted monte carlo sim you wrote ten years ago. The new guy will modify it to monitor all life on Earth by tomorrow
- Budget? What the fuck is a budget?
- I'm excessively rich, eccentric, and ready to invest. Shall we take my zebra fish submarine to Rio to discuss terms?
- Those first few decades were only a test, you failed in bizarre fashion but we decided to keep you. Why? Because it's so god damned funny watching you freak out
- You're the King of France! followed by
- There's no such thing as France*
- No really, the most interesting person in the world is You! I'll go tell Oprah.
- Blondes make the best Buddhists
- We're all jedi. We were just being polite until you figured it out. And no, I don't want to sleep with you, that beer will be 5 bucks, and those are the droids I'm looking for
- The folks that run the Stock Market have decided to stop
- We made up religion, government and money just to fuck with you, here's some pecan pie. Look on the bright side, at least porn is real.
Notes:
*= I've got nothing against France, it's just something I'd like to hear